Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
