Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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