And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
