So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
