Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
