Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
