Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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