I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
