Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
