Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
