He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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