he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
