I wish I could teleport
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
