Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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