Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
