i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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