You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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