haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
