ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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