If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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