She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize