Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
