Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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