a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
