I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize