So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We are two peas in an std pod
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
