Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
try to milk me bitch
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