Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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