I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
