Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
my being single is dangerous.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
