I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
