I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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