Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
