i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have fence marks all over my body
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
