Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
