my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize