Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize