If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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