i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
