He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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