you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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