Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
