eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
