Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
