Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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