how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
