I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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