Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
