So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize