end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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