ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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