I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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