Your mouth is God's brothel.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
