I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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