I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
