"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
