Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
