mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
