Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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