ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
