Small penises have feelings too.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
