I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
