i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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