I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize