ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
