She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
