why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
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