Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
