i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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