So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize