i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I think your dad took our porno
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
