nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Randomize
